I’ve been thinking a lot today about all my friends and all of the soft ceaseless love that I’ve cultivated for them. Over the last year all those people are now so spectacularly scattered throughout the country and it’s such a strange feeling. Some friends I’m used to being far away from more than others, but now, being in such a unfamiliar city I don’t really have a single close person that I could call and just ask to come get coffee or dinner with me. I’ve been sending so many heartfelt text messages and getting a lot of them back and it hurts so much to not have them in my everyday life. I’m also realizing the older I get the more important and vital and necessary female friendships are to me. The only thing truly keeping me going right now are the fucking beautiful, strong, incredible women that I’ve been blessed to have in my life at one point or another. And the things we’ve done together are all flashing through my mind lately in quick memories, and I just want to write poems about them, and it’s so fucking terrible because within reason, all of those amazing women are just about as sad as me lately, and none of them deserve it. Being in your twenties isn’t tragic but I don’t know why so frequently it feels that way. I just wish I could have them all close to me, because I know it would make us feel better. I’ve also noticed that I’ve been much nicer to other women the older that I get too. I’ve had a deeper love and a more open spot in my heart for them, and I think until you stop considering them as competition in your life you’re never truly going to grow up or keep friends. I don’t really know what the whole point of this is other than tumblr as my fucking diary, but I miss spending time with them. I miss making blueberry pies and I miss looking at plants and I miss acoustic tuesdays at Foxy after work with my heavy head on the slick wood table because I was too tired to keep my eyes open and I miss spilling my soul at the legion and getting way too drunk and helping you up when you fell in the palmettos in front of the house and I miss being around someone who cries as much as I do and everything is just stupid being solitary because womankind isn’t meant to be alone.

And on top of all of that I still haven’t figured out what a girl has to do to get a goddamn Yuengling in this part of the country.

because damn if ‘the family of woman’ isn’t always on my mind. waking up into womanhood is one of the most beautiful and sad things i’ve ever experienced (and it never ends) (but i’d fall into those palmettos over and over because i know deadboltgold would pull me out of them)